10/01/2007
had jus finished a midterm today. MICROECONOMICS II. thought things would be better this time round. gotten over the phobia of Micro 2, nonetheless things are proven today it doesnt seem so.
I seriously thought things would have turned for the better this time round, studied through with the hope of Acing the subject. upon the finish of the paper, was in a total blank state.
seriously, and after reflection, i thought i have done what should have been done and to be done. i donno what am i goin to do now. *touch wood* if this continues, i would need to extend my studies before im able to graduate.
im not the cry-upon-stress kinda person, also believing no point crying over spilled milk.
If i had understood the lectures and able to attempt tut questions and mid term past papers, and outcome is im unable to perform. i guess i have nuthin than to kill myself.
seriously, the urge of dying has been consistently appearing this week. today it only strengthened the thought. having such a bad day, encountering friend who doesnt appreciate her intelligence and continue preaching about how bad things would be when there's a worse live specimen in front of her, and facing a family who doesnt know what have been gone through, adds up the stress of a bad day.
was a person who thought suicide is a dumb thing, i mean i stll am. somehow, the thought is appearing so constantly overtime over these two weeks. the feeling of helplessness and struggle. today was totally depressing. i thought i would have performed. and i aimed to do it well. i don understand why. hardwork is never rewarded? or am i jus one who cant perform?!
if my essay, which is the starting point of all troubles, is not getting me anywhere. i guess that would be the match point.
sorry friends, i don't mean to scare, but jus releasing some grumbles. and u know, i don have the courage i guess.
19:21
...and so the story continues...
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